Who are you working on?

I could spend all day analyzing other people. It’s easy and it’s fun. I get to be critical and that makes me feel better about myself. I can even get together with friends and talk about people we know who are not present. Rarely is admiration the feeling that is expressed about others. Sounds sick doesn’t it, but it’s the way we all operate.

It’s a heck of a lot easier than analyzing myself . A few minutes of honest self evaluation and I’m ready to move on to something more comfortable. Other than a few maniacs I’ve never met anyone who says they don’t want to change something about themselves. On the other hand I’ve met very few people who make the effort to learn about themselves enough to make significant changes.

If you want to tune an engine, you’ve got to know how it works. Why don’t we know more about how we work? For me there are 2 fundamental reasons: habit and fear.

HABIT We grow up observing our world and trying to fit into it. As infants we are aware of the world before we are even aware that we exist in it. Our senses dominate our thinking, and our senses are all about what is happening outside of us. We focus on figuring out the world around us and making it work to our benefit. When I observe my 3 year old I don’t see much difference in approach to life than the 40 year old in the office next door. There is just more sophistication in the older one.

FEAR Fear is the most powerful motivator in most people’s lives. Fear can be subtle or intense. Fear can create appropriate responses to real danger or it can create anxiety about things that will never happen. Fear is occasionally a blessing but most often a curse. Without it you probably would not be alive to read this; with it life can sometimes be miserable.

I’m not in the habit of looking inward and trying to figure out what makes me tick. I’m doing better at it because I know it will help me. Fear holds me back. I’m afraid of what I will find, that part of what I see will be incompatible with my self image and unlovable.

I’m working to both overcome my habit and suppress the unjustified fear. That’s progress at least.